the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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