ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
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Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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