Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
