awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
