We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
