How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
