The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
