it was like eating out sand paper
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
