Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize