Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
