im holly from the hills drunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
