it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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