If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
