Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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