i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
