A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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