i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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