thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
