I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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