After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
there's paper in my vomit.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize