just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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