The maid of honor just puked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
