Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
