I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
