I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
