His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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