I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
