If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
