I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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