is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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