I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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