considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
