Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
