You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
