piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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