My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
