he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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