I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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