ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
