When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
