Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
