You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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