remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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