I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
