Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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