so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
