I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
