Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
