nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
