Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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