it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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