If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
