Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
