I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
