Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We got so high we made milksteak
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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