her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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