She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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