Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
