You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
