butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
