but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
