can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
