Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
