The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
