just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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