I just pynch a tree in the face
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
