So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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